by Cynthia Germain
There comes a point each fall when you look up from whatever you’re doing and realize it’s already getting dark. It seems like just a couple weeks ago that we could sit outside well into the evening.
Here in Door County, October gives us plenty to enjoy. But between admiring the leaves and figuring out where we put our warmer jackets, we begin making the familiar preparations. We put the garden to bed, bring things in from the porch, and think about what needs to be done before winter.
As we prepare our homes for the colder months, it’s also a good time to think about how we’ll stay connected to one another.
Some of our everyday contact happens without much planning. We stop to talk with a neighbor working in the yard. We run into someone at an outdoor event. As our routines move indoors, those opportunities can change.
Staying connected can take a little intention. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to take an elaborate plan. Here’s some ideas:
Make the invitation specific
“We should get together sometime” is something many of us say with every intention of following through. Then life happens, and sometime never quite arrives. Try suggesting a day and an activity: “Would you like to have coffee Tuesday morning?” or “I’m going to the library Thursday. Would you like to come along?” A simple plan gives both people a place to start.
Create something you can count on
A Sunday afternoon phone call. Breakfast together once a month. A weekly walk while the weather allows. Small traditions give us something to look forward to and save us from having to start the planning process all over again. They also help us keep in touch when our schedules get busy.
Let getting together be easy
You can invite someone over before the house is perfectly clean. You can serve coffee without baking anything to go with it. A bowl of Campbell’s soup, a kitchen table, and time to talk can make a very good afternoon. Sometimes we put enough expectations around having company that we talk ourselves out of it altogether.
Reach out when someone comes to mind
When you see something that reminds you of a friend, let them know. Text the picture. Write the short note. Make the call, even if you only have a few minutes. We don’t always know what kind of day someone is having, and a small gesture can be a welcome part of it.
Make it easier to say yes
An evening gathering may be difficult for someone who no longer enjoys driving after dark. A noisy restaurant may make conversation challenging. Offering a ride, choosing a quieter place, or meeting earlier can help. It’s worth asking, “What would work best for you?” rather than assuming a declined invitation means someone isn’t interested.
Try a little Social Bingo
If you could use some inspiration, the Aging Coalition of Door County’s Social Bingo Challenge offers a playful way to make connection part of your routine. Download a card and try a few activities at your own pace, or ask a friend to join you. Sometimes having a small challenge is just the nudge we need to try something different.
Be willing to make the first move
This may be the hardest one. If we’re wishing someone would invite us, it can feel uncomfortable to reach out ourselves. But another person may be having exactly the same thought. Suggest a walk in town, ask someone to lunch, or attend something you’ve been curious about.
We all have seasons when reaching out comes easily and others when we appreciate someone reaching toward us. Those roles change with circumstances, energy, and whatever else life has handed us.
As the days grow shorter, leave a little room in our routines for each other. Perhaps while we’re making that fall list of raking the leaves, finding the gloves, and putting away the flowerpots, we can add one more thing…
Call someone you’ve been meaning to call. You might both be glad you did.
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